What's Love Got To Do With It?

“IT'S BROTHER’S WEEK...If you have a brother who has made you laugh...” Awwww!


“Your son will hold your hand for a little while, but will hold your heart for a lifetime. It's National "Son's Week" so...” Awwww!

“IT’S SISTER’S WEEK...If you have a sister who’s been your friend...” Awwww!

Really? Have we gotten to the point in our society where we’re too busy to love one another except for one week a year? Have we become so desensitized to our loved ones that we have to be reminded that we have them and should be grateful for them? When did this happen? Is it universal?

Coming from a large Cuban family where it takes us 30 minutes to say hello and another 30 minutes to say goodbye, I think I can safely say it is not universal.

It takes us that long because we have to go around and hug every shoulder and kiss every cheek, and if someone’s in the bathroom, you wait for them.

We don’t do this so they won’t talk about us after we leave. We don’t do this because our parents insisted as children. We don’t do this because we’d hurt someone’s feelings if we missed them. We don’t do this because there’s always the possibility that it may be our last hug and kiss. Although these are all good reasons (specially the last one), we have other reasons.

We do this because we have a real sense of affection for each of them. We do it because we understand that each of them has played a part in our life and have enriched our lives in one way or another. We do it because of the eternal bond we feel through the shared adventures of our lives. We do it because we understand the fragile nature of life and how horrible we’d feel if they left this world without that last hug and kiss. WE DO IT BECAUSE WE LOVE THEM!

And with all this affection you’d think we check birth certificates at the door. In fact, the exact opposite is true. Everyone that comes to our party or our home is treated in the exact same way. You walk through those doors and you’re one of us.

And heaven forbid you’re not used to being hugged and kissed on entering or exiting a home! You will be in for the most excruciating, uncomfortable, and confusing 30 minutes of your life. It will be an excruciating experience because of your discomfort at being hugged and kissed by strangers, but it will be confusing because of the genuine affection you will feel from everyone.

A little over 20 years ago, my wife experienced this challenge for the first time. While having come from a large affectionate family, she was not used to the immediate acceptance and show of affection from everyone she just met. The same happened to my daughter-in-law when she joined our family. The nice thing is that they are both now quite used to it and would feel the same sense of abandonment I would feel if one of my relatives didn’t hug me and kiss my cheek on arrival and departure.

To us it is so simple. We genuinely care for each other and express that affection every time we communicate.

I personally end every conversation (whether in person, by phone, by e-mail, by IM, or by text) with my wife, my children, my daughter-in-law, my parents, and just about all of my other relatives with an “LY” or an “I Love you”. I don’t care if we are related by blood, marriage, or coincidence. This is how I grew up relating to those around me. I tend to hesitate a little with those that I’m not related to and therefore may not be used to it, but I feel no less of a connection to them as I do with my relatives.

So what is the difference?

The difference is that in our upbringing and in our lives we were always taught to act this way. As children we always asked; “Do I have to kiss Aunt Hairychin? Her beard tickles.” And the answer was always the same. “Yes! Hairy chin or not, she is your aunt and she loves you.” So this is the same message I conveyed to my children. Hairy chin or not, she is your aunt and one day you will understand the impact she had in your life. And we learned by example. We watched our parents go around the room hugging every shoulder and kissing every cheek, even Aunt Hairychin, and we did the same.

Why is this so difficult for some? Why are some people so totally opposed to PDAs (Public Displays of Affection)?

I don’t know why, but I hope it changes. Without these PDAs, love is sure to stay “a second hand emotion!”

LY