The Right Choice

So when did people start thinking that the solution to their problems is to make it someone else’s problem?

On a recent and rare rainy day in So Cal, I got up at my usual 6:00AM, checked my e-mail, and prepared to go out for my cup of Starbucks coffee and bagel.  I went right to the closet where I put my umbrella at the end of the previous rainy season, threw it in my truck, got my coffee and bagel, and returned home to get into my workday.

Around lunch time, I decided to run to the market.  When I got to my truck, my umbrella was missing.  Certain my son had taken it out of my truck on his way to school because he didn’t know where his was, I sent him a text to confirm.

Of course, I was right.  I got really mad when he insisted that it must have been his umbrella because he couldn’t find his where he’d last seen it.  I went off and I read him the riot act over the phone.  My umbrella was right where I’d put it the year before, right next to my raincoat.  However, now I, who took the time to store my umbrella, was inconvenienced because he’d seen it fit to make his problem (not knowing where his umbrella is) my problem.

And it’s not that I’m afraid to get wet.  Had he asked me if he could take it because he couldn’t find his, I would have let him and thrown on a baseball cap.

Well, he got the message.  However, what about the millions of people who don’t have the benefit of my tutelage?  How will they learn that lesson?

Several days later, when I took my family for coffee and breakfast, he got to see how it feels to have someone solve their problem by making it our problem.

My favorite Starbucks is on a small corner lot.  Neither of the two driveways allows left turns.  The main driveway comes out to a six lane highway, with 2 left turn lanes, a right turn lane, and is about 40 feet from an intersection.  The cross street leads up into the hills to a landfill, so the left turn lanes are always full of trucks.

As I pulled out of my parking space, I noticed the light was green for the traffic I was about merge into.  I slowed to allow a woman coming out of the drive-thru to pull out in front of me.  As she reached the driveway, she stopped even though there was not traffic preventing her from turning right.  It was then I realized with dismay that she intended to drive across 4 lanes of traffic to get into the left turn lane which was at the moment occupied by two semis.  By this time, the light had turned red and traffic started to pile up at the intersection.  We waited.

Another car pulled up behind me.  The left turn arrow turned green and the semis went.  The street light changed to green again, but by the time the traffic blocking her moved, two more semis had once again filled the left turn lanes, and again, we waited.  Finally, she made a left turn into on-coming traffic and a hard right turn to get behind the semis in the left turn lane.  By this time I was looking forward to catching the third green light I would see at that intersection.

Had she turned right on the first green light, she could have driven a quarter of a block, made a legal U-turn, and a right turn onto the cross street.  ALL BEFORE THE FIRST SEMI COMPLETED HIS TURN, AND WITHOUT MAKING HER PROBLEM, MY PROBLEM!

This morning I left my house for my usual coffee and bagel run.  As I reached the right turn that leads through the gates of our community I notice a woman in an SUV coming through the gate and another woman in a Suburban coming from the direction opposite me turn as if to exit.  Instead of exiting however, she motions to the woman coming in and they both stopped right between the entrance and exit gates to chat.  I thought it was rude, inconsiderate, and inappropriate, but there was enough room so I turned right and I continued on my way.

THIRTY MINUTES LATER, I came back through the gate to find these same two inconsiderate women still chatting in the middle of the intersection.  This time they’re blocking my left turn, so the one in the Suburban motions for me to go around.

I couldn’t contain myself, so I rolled down the window and in as jovial a manner as I could muster I told them I thought it was inconsiderate for them to hold their conversation right there.  The woman in the Suburban said they were friends and hadn’t seen each other in a while.

Well, at least I should find comfort in knowing she wasn’t blocking the road chatting with some random stranger.  I mean, come on!  They’re neighbors for heaven sakes.  They couldn’t call each other?  The woman in front of me finally decided she should move, and so I came home to write this.

I’m sure I’m not the only one that has been stuck in the left lane of a road behind some car close to an intersection with a green light in your favor because they discovered too late that they needed to turn on that street, so they decide to wait until they can merge into the turn lane blocking all traffic behind them.  In order to solve their problem caused by their inattention they feel its okay for them to stop traffic because no one behind them could possibly mind.

And how about the person in the lane next to you who suddenly veers into your lane to avoid a car that stopped in from of them instead of stopping themselves, causing you to slam on your brakes?  They could have solved their problem by stopping; instead they make a sudden and unsafe lane change and turn their solution into your problem.

I could go on and on recalling other inconsiderate acts committed by people in an attempt to solve their problem only to make it someone else’s problem, but I think you get the point.

Now, I don’t want to sound like I think I’m some sort of saint who does no wrong.  However, I was always taught to have consideration for those around me.  I was always taught that my actions do affect others, so I was always taught to make good choices.

We’ve all found ourselves in situations where we missed a turn or an off ramp, but most of us would direct our anger inward and make the next turn, make a u-turn, or take the next off ramp.  Most of us would go out of our way to make it look like we didn’t make a mistake at all, like we meant to turn on the next street or take the next off ramp.  And most of us wouldn’t make a second bad choice that will affect someone else.

So what makes people do these things?  Do that many people really think their actions don’t affect others?  Or do they just not care about anyone else but themselves?  Am I being overly sensitive?

I think it has to do with our society’s growing sense of entitlement.  Too many people feel they are entitled to do anything to get their needs met without regard for others.  I bet these are the same people that flip you the bird if you were to do something like that and affected them.

We all make mistakes.  However, the fact that we make one doesn’t give us the right to make our mistake affect anyone else.  We simply need to ask ourselves how we’d feel if someone else made the same choice and it had an impact on us.

We always have choices in life.  Let’s start practicing making the right choice, and let us remember that our actions affect others.  The right choice should not have a negative impact on anyone else and should go unnoticed.

Charity Begins at Home!

The origins of this phrase have been attributed to a 17^th century British author, a Jewish philanthropist, and the Bible among others.

Most interpretations of the phrase suggest that we need to take care of our own before we ask, or can expect, others to take care of them.  In other words, don’t ask others to take on the burden of our aging parents or disabled relatives before you’ve exhausted all of your own personal resources doing so.

Other interpretations suggest that we must focus our efforts on our own home, family, city, state, or country before we expend any effort helping others outside of those groups.  Yet, I am constantly astounded at how quickly people I know apply this interpretation to their favorite college or professional sports team while ignoring their own family’s needs.

Coming from a large Cuban family, I can tell you that EVERYTHING begins at home.  What we learn as children is not about charity, it’s about life.

When you think about it, if it weren’t for our parents (or those in our home), we’d still be wearing diapers, drinking from a bottle, drooling, and babbling like children.  Actually, we wouldn’t be alive at all.

From the very beginning of our lives, it is those people in our home that taught us all the things we need to know to carry on in life.  They taught us how to use the bathroom, feed ourselves, use a napkin, and speak our language.  They took care of us and taught us how to care for ourselves.

They taught us the values by which we live.  They taught us how to behave.  They taught us about honesty, loyalty, friendliness, courage, courtesy, kindness, obedience, cleanliness, reverence, and a host of other principles that guide our actions and our lives.  And, yes, they taught us about charity.

We often hear about how awful our education system is, and while it is in a serious state of disrepair, we can only blame others for a portion of the problem.  A major part of the blame for that, and many other things, has to be placed in the home.

As the son of a teacher, mediocrity was not an option.  If I did poorly in school, my parents never blamed the teacher, they punished me!  It’s not that my parents expected all teachers to be perfect; they expected me to do my part.  They knew they taught me enough of the basics to be able to apply my own intelligence to make the learning process work.

As a result of this training at home, I was always the student most likely to challenge a teacher on any subject, including other languages.  I once challenged my Wood Shop teacher (a Mexican) that “chango” was Mexican slang for monkey, and “mono” was the appropriate Spanish word.  I won that argument by simply directing him to a Spanish dictionary.

If parents today do not take care of that learning process at home, how can we expect teachers to do so?  We can’t!

It doesn’t take a village to raise a child.  It takes loving and caring parents.  It takes parents, who are ready to teach their children values.  It takes parents, who are ready to take responsibility for their children and their actions.  It takes parents, who are ready to tell their children that a teacher is not stupid, but they are if they can’t learn from a teacher’s stupidity.

This is why my children were taught to count at a young age (in multiple languages).  This is why my children learned the ABCs at a young age.  This is why my 2-year-old granddaughter can count in English, Spanish, Japanese, and French.  This is why I encourage my son and daughter-in-law (not that they needed the encouragement) to read to and teach my granddaughter.  This is why I know my children and their children will succeed.

I’m often heard saying that there is no such thing as a bad child, only bad parents.  This is because I believe that parents have the ultimate responsibility to raise their children to be intelligent and productive adults.

Charity is not the only thing that begins at home.  EVRYTHING begins a home!